A MarySue IN SPACE
by Ace of Dreams
Summary: Because no one has ever done a Mary-Sue parody before. Yeah right. Just fun, silly writing


**Note:** This was a writing exercise to help break me out of writers block, so I did it as over-the-top as I could. Any resemblance to any actual story is purely coincidental as I made this up as I went along. And any resemblance to any characters living, dead, undead, resurrected, reborn as an Autobot, reborn as a Decepticon, transcended to a higher plane of existence, or anything else you can think of, is also purely coincidental.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing I would be willing to admit to in public.

...xXx...

Hi there! My name is Raven Isabella Moonstar, and this is my wonderful, exciting, tragic, and beautiful story. I have long flowing onyx hair that absorbs more light than a black hole. And—what? That's not possible? But it's true! When I was a baby, I was taken from my mother by these horrible government scientists, and they did all sorts of weird experiments on my hair because it defied all the laws of nature, gravity, and physics combined. But then, one day they were testing my hair with radiation, and a butterfly got caught in the energy beam, and it deflected the radiation to my eyes. So now my eyes change color with my mood and sparkle like all the stars in the heavens. But I escaped when I was ten and joined the circus where I learned to dance and sing and act better than the best Hollywood Stars. Now, where was I? Oh yeah, I also have perfect arms, and perfect legs because I was just born special like a unique snowflake on a perfect December morning. I'm 5'9 and stronger than superman even though I'm skinny enough to be an anorexic, but I'm not. I wear a tight shirt and loose cargo pants with sub-dimensional compartments so that I can always have my favorite bazooka, an f-22 fighter jet, and my whole transformers collection with me wherever I go. And—What's that? YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR ME TALK ABOUT ME ANYMORE!?11one!!1!!eleventy111!1!one

But I'm the most wonderful character EVER!!

Well, fine! If you want to get on with the plot, then I can do that. I am your humble, gracious, selfless servant after all.

Anyway, I was walking through the ruins of Mission City, gracefully dancing over rubble and garbage and icky dead people when I saw him! (Dramatic pause) Megatron was lying in the ruins at my feet. I swayed with fear at the mere sight of this merciless killer but my innate, boundless sense of compassion drove me to save this poor monster. I dragged him into my garage, which mysteriously appeared right across the street as it was wont to do. And labors that would have made twenty strong men sweaty and gross didn't even leave me without breath.

I set to work repairing his battered shell. There were many pieces broken, melted, or just completely missing, but I didn't fret. It still wouldn't take me more than an hour! Oh yeah. I'm just that good.

While I worked, I put on my Spice Girls CD and danced all around him singing in perfect pitch so that the pigeons flew in from the windows and decided to help me work. Occasionally, I pulled random little Transformer bits out of my pockets, and thanked all my lucky stars that I'd read Needs an Overhaul? How to Repair a Decepticon Commander in no Time Flat twenty minutes ago. And sure enough, in an hour, I was completely done! Megatron lay before me in all his powerful glory but still sadly devoid of a spark to give him life. And with the Allspark destroyed, I could never hope to bring him back. I knelt by his side and began to cry beautiful crystal tears. They patted softly against his armor and flowed into his spark chamber. And then suddenly—totally spontaneously—his spark blazed to life, and Megatron sat up as good as new.

He looked around again as he stood up, but he didn't seem to notice me at all. Wait. What? He didn't _notice _me?

How DARE he?

"You-hoo, Megatron?" I called out in my usual dulcet tones. He looked around again before finally looking down at me. I wiggled my fingers in a little wave and batted my perfect eyelashes at him.

"Guh, a squishy," he growled, and he promptly flattened me with his giant foot.

The End

Oops. No wait. Never mind. Even though I was squished into a mere puddle of red goo, Megatron felt a sudden surge of remorse and carried my sticky remains back onboard his space ship where he brought me back to life. I opened my sparkling blue eyes to meet his burning red ones and opened my mouth to sing. It was then that I realized that he'd forgotten to put air in his space ship, and I fell over, my face turning the same beautiful shade of blue as my eyes.

"Ha! Megatron can't even keep one squishy alive!" shouted Starscream.

"Quiet," barked Megatron. "If you think it's so easy, then you try it."

"Fine, I will," said Starscream. Megatron left the room. "If I zap it enough times, eventually it'll stay alive, right?"

_Zap._

"Ow."

_Zap._

"Ow!"

_Zap._

"OW! I knew I should have saved Optimus Prime! OW!"

The End?

...xXx...

**Note: **Silly Starscream, humans don't work that way.


End file.
